Restaurant etiquette 101: tips to keeping spit off your french fries

Take it from someone who has wasted the last four years of her life slaving over unappreciative slobs to pay her way through community college: you don’t want to mess with your waitress.

Being a college student, I know how convenient it is to eat out instead of cooking in, so here are a few tips to ensure a spit-free meal the next time you dine out. Bon appetite!

When the waitress comes to inquire about beverages, we expect one word answers, not elaborate responses like, “Water with light ice…but just a small glass! I’m not very thirsty today. And let’s splurge and have a healthy slice of lemon.”

I can’t enunciate enough how much we do not care. We may smile, nod along, humor you with feelings of importance, but the truth is, we just want to get your drink as quickly as possible.

Those big, shiny plates we carry stacked up our feeble arms: they’re usually scorching hot.  Get your cup out of the designated eating area, or I promise you, you will one day wear your dinner.

We do not employ Chef Ramsey, nor are you a food critic, so talking our ears full of how dissatisfied you are with your food is not only pretentious, but also unmerited.

If something is significantly flawed with your meal, then we will be glad to resolve the dilemma.  “It tastes funny,” after engulfing half your plate does not mean you hit Free Parking.

You may think that your two dollar tip is sufficient, but consider this: after taxes, an average waitress makes 57 cents an hour.

When we aren’t entertaining customers, we scrub chairs, windows, counters, fill syrup, ketchup, mustard, vinegar, and hot sauce bottles, among countless other mind numbing side jobs. All for you.

Your tip should not only be a reflection of our service, but also of the quality and appearance of the dining area and condiments supplied. We maintain it all.

Now, this is not to say that waitresses frequently spit in their customer’s food. I have honestly never done so and personally don’t know anyone who has.

However, we do appreciate a little decency. Just because we are “waiting” on you, it does not mean we enjoy being treated like servants. Have patience and we will deliver everything you desire, with a smile.

Alyssha Ginzel

Guest Writer

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