Chillers Con Queso

Chillers Con Queso

Brian Johnston

Guest Writer

With Halloween just around the corner, many folks enjoy getting together with close friends and watching the most frightening flicks they can get their hands on.

These are not those movies.

Viewers should keep a bag of corn chips at the ready. When needed, hold a chip up to the screen and let the cheese just ooze onto it.

“Trick or Treat” (1986)

Metal head Eddie “Ragman” Weinbauer (Marc Price from “Family Ties”) is distraught when his heavy metal idol Sammi Curr dies. But through backwards messages in Curr’s final album, Eddie finds a connection with the recently-deceased rocker. Things start to take a turn for the darker, as it happens in these movies.

“Trick or Treat” was created during the height of 80’s hair-metal hysteria, and has cameos from Ozzy Osbourne and Gene Simmons.

From the stereotypical 80’s movie bullies to the deadly guitar solo, this movie is sure to bring a chuckle to anyone’s face, metal head or not.

“Death Bed: The Bed That Eats” (1977)

Filmed in 1977 and never officially released until 2003, “Death Bed” is an example of what happens when all a movie has is a single premise.

A demon-possessed bed has spent the past few centuries devouring anyone foolish enough to lay on it, while a ghost within a painting can only watch the bed feed. When a trio of women discovers the house that contains the death bed, the bed may have taken its last victim.

“Death Bed” hilariously features one-sided conversations between two inanimate objects, badly-synced audio, and a baffling story. Plus it was filmed in Michigan.

“Bio-Zombie” (1998)

Woody Invincible (Jordan Chan) and Crazy Bee (Sam Lee) are a pair of Hong Kong slackers, working in a pirate video store and generally causing trouble. After an infected spy finds his way into, and out of, the trunk of their car, a zombie outbreak starts in the middle of their mall.

Woody and Crazy’s chemistry is similar to that of other postmodern comedy duos like Bill & Ted or Harold & Kumar. Despite being a pair of miscreants, there’s something endearing about the pair.

At times disgusting and hilarious, Bio-Zombie certainly falls into the cheese-on-purpose category.

“Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead” (2008)

Like everything else Troma makes, “Poultrygeist” delivers gore and laughs.

The film takes pot-shots at everything from fast-food culture to ethnic stereotypes and today’s divisive political climate.

When Arbie’s ex-girlfriend Wendy joins her new girlfriend Micki in protesting an American Chicken Bunker restaurant, Arbie gets a job there to spite her. But when customers begin turning into chicken zombies, they must put aside their differences to stop the chaos.

“Poultrygeist” is incredibly cheesy on purpose, has musical numbers that will remain stuck in your head, and contains enough gross humor to satisfy even the most jaded B-movie fanatic.

“Killing Spree” (1987)

When Tom Russo (Asbestos Felt) finds his wife Leeza’s diary, he’s shocked to read torrid tales of her marital indiscretions. One by one, he leads the men to his house, only to butcher them in creative and disgusting ways.

After he impales one man’s head with a screwdriver, Tom proudly declares, “you screwed my wife, so I screwdrived your head.”

Featuring special effects that were corny even for the 80’s, a hilarious internal monologue from the protagonist, and even a rap from the main actor over the credits, “Killing Spree” is a must-have for fans of cinematic cheese.

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