/“Bi” the way, where’s poly?

“Bi” the way, where’s poly?

“Bi” the way, where’s poly?

Rachael Krafft

Staff Writer


Does the Gay agenda have room for other alternative lifestyles?

On Oct 11 at SC4, the Gay Straight Alliance Club celebrated Coming Out Day with a panel of peers from the GLBT community.  GLBT consist of those who defined themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual, and /or transgender.

I popped into the meeting curious about Coming Out Day and the GLBT.  I have identified myself as being bisexual for a little over four years now, and before that I defined myself as bi-curious.

I have always received an aggravated response from the gay community, and assumed that it came from so many young girls saying they are “bi” for male attention, then miraculously going straight once they got old enough to settle down and marry.

Incidentally for me, being “bi” has felt like a vicious volleyball match between homosexuals and heterosexuals, where both sides see me as the ball, when really I am the net.  I am not on one side or the other, but on both sides.

Aside from the normal bantering of religion, law, biology, and societal morals, one of the panelists promised allowing marriage to open to couples of the same sex will not be a road to legalizing polygamy, or marriages between man and animals.

As if anything beyond monogamy is the same thing as bestiality. A harsh stereotype if I ever heard one. 

When one of the panelists expressed another stereotype, being bisexual just meant that you could choose one sex or the other for a committed full-hearted relationship, I had to object.

Instantly enraged, I asked the panelist if that meant the gay movement was willing to sacrifice other alternative lifestyles in order to secure their rights.

As a bisexual, I want the right have a husband and a wife waiting for me to get home, ideally my husband cooking dinner, and my wife barefoot and pregnant taking care of our shared kids.

Move over monogamy; here’s “Poly.”

Polyamory is an alternative lifestyle in which a person can love with their whole heart more than just one person.  It is a responsible open commitment that allows, through communication, the existence of relationships beyond monogamy.  The poly community is proud to be accepting of any lifestyle: gay, bi, transgender, or straight.

Furthermore, Newsweek magazine estimates that as of 2009, 500,000 people in the US were openly polyamourous.  I am one of those people.

I dated a married couple, having a loving relationship with both him and her for over nine months.  This common form of polyamory involves an already established couple and a “unicorn,” or rather a bisexual woman who is open to loving both a man and a woman at the same time.  The poly world calls this a unicorn because of the rarity in which one is “captured.”

Like many of the alternative lifestyles, polies have to worry about legitimacy and legality.  This type of relationship is illegal in most states.  In Michigan, cohabitation between unmarried people of the opposite sex is also illegal.

For those couples that have children, silence is a matter of keeping their families together as a result of laws unfriendly to polies.  Some states will quickly take children out of a poly-practicing family citing instability in the home.  What could be more stable then parents who are working together to make their relationship last happily?

Adding more adults to a household would improve the finical conditions, and allow children to have supervision from a parental figure nearly at all times.

One of the GLBT panelist admitted that bisexuals and transgenders were forgotten in a recent equal rights bill.  That is not acceptable to me.  As we fight for the same rights, as we fight to get to choose whom we committed to publically and legally, we should be fighting on the same team.  We cannot be pitted against each other.  We cannot break the backs of our allies to get a step up.

I ask the GLBT community to remember this; as tired of suffocating in the closet as you are, us polies are, too.